2012 was a pretty rough year for the tri-state. With Hurricane Sandy, the gas shortages that followed and the recent tragedy in Newtown, CT – I know a lot of us are counting down the hours, minutes and seconds ’til 2013. But as we prepare to ring in the New Year, I want to celebrate the good, ratchet and ridiculous of 2012 by handing out the ”Eutopia Awards.”
Since I spent all my money at Saks 5th Avenue and not on my rent, these awards are going to be more like honors than physical trophies.
Here are this year’s winners and the awards they are receiving:
The “Pimp Of the Year” Award: Taylor Swift
T-Swizzle has supposedly dated over 16 dudes in the past four years. Most of her notable relationships (Joe Jonas, John Mayer and Conor Kennedy) have spawned number one songs and albums for her – which means the more she dates the mo’ money she makes. I give her and her new boo (Harry Styles of 1D) 90 days before they are done and I also predict her next album will be called “Don’t Hate the Player, Hate the Game.”
The “Turning 15 Minutes of Fame Into
1 Billion Views on Youtube” Award: Psy
This South Korean star has taken the world by storm by making a much cooler version of the Macarena, “Gangnam Style. You, your mom, dad and grandma know this song inside and out (at least you think you know… unless you speak Korean, you have no idea what this dude is saying) and it’s going to be around for a very long time. At every wedding, bar/bat mitzvah, sweet 16, quinceanera and even strip club (yes, strip club) you will see someone make a fool of themselves trying to do this dance – and I absolutely love it.
The “Step Up To The Plate” Award:
NJ Governor Chris Christie
During and after Hurricane Sandy, New Jersey’s Governor, Chris Christie, truly stepped up to take care of NJ and let the rest of the world know what happened to the state during this natural disaster. The way he handled the recovery process, gas shortage and devastation after Hurricane Sandy was truly remarkable.
- Hurricane Sandy: “Frankenstorm” In Photos
- The Damage Levied By Hurricane Sandy
- Heartbreaking Images Of Breezy Point After Hurricane Sandy
- Hurricane Sandy On Staten Island
The “Royal Family of Ratchetness” Award:
Honey Boo Boo, Trinidad James, Joseline Hernandez
& Prince Harry (yes, Prince Harry!)
The term “ratchet” was popularized in 2012. Urbandictionary.com defines the word ratchet as an adjective; it describes a person who is out of hand and ghetto as hell. Trinidad, Joseline, Honey Boo and Prince Harry are the reasons why this word ratchet exists. Don’t believe me? Google these folks and see for yourselves.
Also, a shout out to 2 Chainz for making a year’s worth of ratchet music we all hate to love.
The “I Thought My Relationship Was Bad…
But After Looking At Theirs, I’m All Good” Award:
Rihanna, Karrueche Tran and Chris Brown
After watching this love triangle turn into a rectangle, octagon and then a circle – I don’t feel bad about the dude I’ve been dating for 7 years who still hasn’t met any of my family and/or friends. If Chris chooses Karrueche (a wanna-be model with no real job) over Rihanna (who raked in 53 million dollars in one year), I guess my dreams of marrying and then divorcing Derek Jeter may actually come true.
The “Lindsay Lohan” Award
This award would have gone to Amanda Bynes because she was Lindsay Lohaning for the majority of the year but this year Lindsay Lohan most definitely deserves this most esteemed award. With her IRS problems, club smack down and looming jail sentence Lindsay out-Lindsayed Amanda in less than two weeks. Well done.
The “Do We Really Need A’mare Stoudamire” Award:
The New York Knicks
A’mare Stoudemire has been out since the start of the season after having surgery on his left knee. Even though every player on the Knicks is a carrying member of AARP, the’ve never played better. They’re number 1 in the East, plus 12-2 at home. So, do we really need A’mare Stoudemire??
The “I’m Rich, Bitch” Award:
Ms. Spears raked in 58 million dollars from her 2011 tour, fragrance line and for kind of sort of being a judge on X-Factor. Say what you want about Britney, but this chick sure knows how to make that money honey!
Congratulations to all the winners of the 2012 “Eutopia Awards!” Your abilities to make us notice, talk and obsess over you are on the highest level of greatness.
To a better, safer, more prosperous and hurricane free 2013… Happy New Year!
–Eutopia, 92.3 NOW
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