Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise Settle Divorce In 11 Days

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See, this is how you get a divorce. Look happy on a Tuesday, file for divorce on a Friday, and settle your differences less than two weeks later!

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries should take notes.

According to her attorney, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have settled their divorce, right after she spent six hours in a legal meeting this past Saturday.

Curious. Sounds to me girlfriend had a plan before she threw the file at Tom.

92.3 NOW’s Zann said she was excited to hear the ex-couple came to terms so quickly.

“I am so happy for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes for reaching a divorce settlement so respectfully and quickly with one another,” she said. “This can be filed under the “Very Few Things That Were Done Quicker Than Kim K’s Marriage” file! Congratulations Top Gun and Joey Potter!”

Katie’s attorney, Jonathan Wolfe, released a statement regarding the settlement.

“The case has been settled and the agreement has been signed. We are thrilled for Katie and her family and are excited to watch as she embarks on the next chapter of her life,” he said. “We thank Tom’s counsel for their professionalism and diligence that helped bring about this speedy resolution.”

Tom’s attorney responded with a less verbose, more straight-to-the-point statement.

“The case is settled. It is done.”

92.3 NOW’s Micki Gamez wants to know what kind of dirt Katie must have on Tom for that kind of clean-cut divorce.

“Wow, I am just floored that this public romance is over and that it was settled in a matter of 11 hours!” she said. “I wanna know what kind of dirt Katie had on Tom to make him so cooperative! Wild!”

The exes released a joint statement stating how they are striving to keep Suri’s best interests priority one and their need for privacy, yadda yadda yadda…

“We are committed to working together as parents to accomplish what is in our daughter Suri’s best interests.We want to keep matters affecting our family private and express our respect for each other’s commitment to each of our respective beliefs and support each other’s roles as parents.”

I really enjoy how whoever wrote this statement made sure to include the little tidbit about respecting each other’s beliefs. Sure, Katie respects Tom’s involvement with Scientology, just not enough to stay married to him!

Let’s talk about how all three of Tom’s ex-wives were 33 when someone filed for divorce.

In case you don’t know why that might be a little more than a coincidence, the number 33 is a significant number in Scientology. For example, the original Scientology church was formed in Phoenix, Arizona, which is on the 33rd parallel, or so it goes. The number 33, A.K.A “Master Teacher,” represents altruism and raising mankind’s positive energy in numerology. Whatever that means.

Here’s the deal, Tom. We’ve got 10 years before I’m 33, so let’s get this show on the road.

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