Dear Kimberly,

Since that whirlwind romance with your 72-day husband Kris Humphries has come to an end, I figured now was the perfect time to throw my hat into the Kardashian ring!

Check out what I’m doing over at your house today – all in the name of LOVE!

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Kim… Ms. Kardashian…

I could TOTALLY be your rebound guy. Look at me – I’m soft, cuddly, big and single. You’ve gone tall… now try wide. We could even share clothes; I’m pretty sure your badonk could fit into my size 72 jeans.

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Honestly and truly, Kim, I could take the back seat to your career. I know you’re a busy girl and all so I don’t plan on getting in the way. Well, I’ll probably get in the way sometimes. Like when you’re trying to squeeze past me at the fridge, or shopping for ultimate nachos ingredients at the supermarket… those aisles can get a little cramped.

I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you anytime you need me. Seriously, I’m not getting up. But I’m also totally willing to take you out on the town in L.A., London, New York, Dubai… And I’m even more willing to have you pay for it.

That’s just the kind of guy I am… I support strong, independent women!

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2Gether 4Ever!

Kim… keep a look out for more love notes and kisses on the wind from yours truly, Chunky. We were simply meant to be!

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Keep Up With the Kardashians On 923NOW.com:

• Kim Kardashian Divorcing Kris Humphries Today

• Kim Kardashian Pulls a Fast One on Twitter Followers

• President Obama Is Not Keeping Up with the Kardashians

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